One day at a time.

One day at a time to still be grieving. One day at a time to search for reason. One day at a time to better myself.

I'm a great believer in spirituality and that is where I search for reasons. Some people think it can be separate from religion but for me it is the quest to find the sacred. Yes, it can involve esoteric Eastern traditions, I don't believe any religion has the monopoly on ritual and yes, you can worship in a way that is only suited to how you perceive what is sacred.
I was brought up in an agnostic household. We kinda of believed in stuff and we, as kids, were christened - as it was the thing to do, not that it had meaning.

At about age 10 I became a member of a local church, I felt warmth and a sense of belonging but I can't remember if I truly believed?? I sang in the choir and went to Sunday school. I really enjoyed it. But did it make me a Christian? I don't recall why I stopped going... I probably found it didn't gel with school/friends/boys etc...

Sooo, how to believe in God. I think I'm in the whole "yes there is a God" camp but I'm unsure as each and every religion seems to have all these rules that just don't sit well with me -I think women are equal to men, gay people have every right to love who they want and raise a family together, food is food - wherever it came from and meat should be slaughtered as humanely as possible, God shouldn't be capricious- he or she should stick to their word.


If I could, I would take a little piece from so many religions! Hindu puja's,  both the ones performed at home and at larger ceremonies are beautiful, as are bhajans (devotional songs) that are sung with simple clarity and true belief and with full hearts.

Then I'd throw in a weekly Sabbath to show that I could give time to rest and reflect on God. But with a few less rules - if I wanted to sew, light a fire or plant some seeds then that'd be cool but I'd just do it with God in my heart.

Ancestor worship is really common in S.E Asia and it would be for me too, I can't believe my loved ones are completely gone when they die but I'm not sure if I'm ready to think about Heaven either because if their is a heaven then there must be a hell....  I think evil simply is-I don't think the devil has to point people in any direction but I do believe we have a freedom of choice to be good and loving human beings.

And seeing the divine as nature - I am so down with that. Every time I see a flower blossoming or waves crashing on an empty beach, snow falling, trees growing, immovable mountains....I reckon that is when my heart fills and I see God.
Prayer shouldn't be rigid or separate, women and men should be able to be together when they want to talk to the Divine....
Meditation could be a useful ally to concentrate on goodness.




I'm still on the fence about Jesus, I think Gandhi probably got it right when he said "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." Jesus appears to be pretty cool, he was down with the everyday folk, he cared for people - fat people, thin people, rich & poor, good or bad, it didn't seem to matter to him but I really don't get why he had to die just for me? That's quite a responsibility for me to deal with!!

Religion also seems to mean conquering and conversion, with a little dish of war on the side. Extremism is an ugly use of a persons belief and it strikes fear in my heart when people use it as a weapon to dish out hate.

And......
For example, Hinduism ticks so many boxes for me but then lets me down with a thump when it talks about people being 'untouchables' just for being born into the wrong family/caste... Judaism is good - but the rules are so strict and I really do not think the kosher way of killing animals is reasonable, plus I likes me some crustaceans and an occasional bacon sandwich. Islam just seems more about making up the numbers to swell their ranks.. And even though people who are Muslim say that women aren't viewed as second class citizens, then why are they expected to prayer separately from men or in other countries they aren't even allowed to drive??



I wonder how many people of differing religions actually actively chose that path. Most people are brought up believing in something and that follows on into their adult lives.

Me... I'm still searching.