Flexibility and Change.

You know the surfer dudes who live in SoCal or Hawaii? I want to be like them. They potter through life with just one goal - find the best waves and get in the water. Obviously I'm speaking metaphorically here but never the less. The fact that they go with the flow from one moment to the next is just awe inspiring to moi.

We, here in deepest, darkest suburbia are in a state of flux. All four of us (and that's without including the four legged residents who must surely be feeling it too) are heading, nay hurtling towards change.





The husband is having to make difficult choices at work due to restructuring and closures, not to mention the fairly substantial pay drop. This is so hard for him and I know he feels it keenly as he's the main 'breadwinner.' His love for us and desire to provide for us makes me feel blessed.
So after 10 years of working a night shift he is changing to working 2pm til 10pm. He is scared of not seeing us. We are scared of not seeing him.

The ever wonderful girl child (who has just turned 19!!!) starts a new chapter in her life as she moves 250 miles away to settle into life at university. This is sooooo weird as I barely feel old enough to have a few grey hairs let alone an adult daughter! Yikes. The even weirder thing is that friends who are of a similar age to me are just having their first babes and here's me with empty nest things happening. Is 40 old? She is ready for this though, just as she was ready to jump out of a plane a few days ago doing a tandem sky dive for charity. She is a tough one - this girl of mine. But she's made of sunshine and who doesn't love a bit of sunshine.

The magnificent boy is about to leap into the world of college after 16 years of being home schooled. He is off to the local 6th form college to start his foray into applied science. I think the college are lucky to have him :)
It is a wrench for most kids but especially so for someone who craves routine and the simplicity of the hum drum order of his life. The great unknown for someone with Asperger's can be uber stressful and this cascades through into all aspects of his life.
I'm pretty sure he is still grieving for my dear Dad and he has stopped eating and my strapping 16 year old young man of a child is down to 7 stone 11pounds. He has zero interest in food. He puts his feelings about his Grandpa to the back of his mind and doesn't address them - I think these emotions creep out in other areas though.

And as for me?? I'm redundant. My babes are heading out into the world and I'm packing away school books that are no longer needed. Paper and pens are hitting the back of old drawers and staying there. I'm no longer looking at things to pique the waning interest of a sulky 15 year old. The art stuff is moving with the girl child. The house will feel different but hopefully the same as well. I'm going to have to look for some paid work too as we try and help out the girl while she is living it up as a student :)
It's been 20 years since I was last employed so going back to that is really scary, so much has changed.


We're trying to lean into this change though. Go with it, but it is so hard. What do you mean I'll only be cooking for 2 people in the evening not 4? No more snuggling up for a snooze with the girl as we chat about mundane stuff or giggle like school children.
No more kisses from a tired husband as he slips into a warm bed at 7am after working so hard during the night.
No more hands on mothering, my role now will be to guide and advise not role up my sleeves and delve head first into things needing the most attention.

Change is inevitable. Change is constant. ( B. Disraeli) And it is a life lesson I am going to have to learn!