Slight longing of the soul...

Nature soothes me. A lot. Nothing quite beats being outdoors does it? I am, however, not so fond of rain.... We've had a fair amount of the wet stuff recently which has seriously cut into my 'being outside' time.
I've even been known to sit out in the garden, with a brolly and a cup of hot, sweet tea just breathing in the fresh air all full of heavy raindrops just waiting to happen.
And then there's the wrapped up warm version.... Snug in coat, hat and scarf with a hot drink, candle in a jam jar and book at the ready.....

Doodles even learns better when we're sat outside doing his education type things...  When the kids were little we put a giant board up on the side of the shed and painted it with chalkboard paint - et voila, instant outdoor art! It's also where we introduced algebra to them as well but that's a different story!

Look how little doodles looks.... that's probably 10 yrs ago.  The creation of Shovel guy looks cool though.

I'm sure I've got a weird gene slyly implanted somewhere in my DNA.

Many a night spent in front of the fire pit. *swoon*

We no longer have the trampoline but the sunshine looks goooood.

Anyways, I'm longing for the warmer, dryer weather to hurry up and get here so I can slip outside and feel the grass between my toes with Crosby, Nash and Paul Simon singing their version of "Here comes the sun" as a soundtrack in my head....
I've also discovered (hidden under my pillow) a serious case of wanderlust which has been brewing for about a million years. It was brought to the forefront by our wonderful nephew (seems weird calling him a nephew when he's only about 10 or 11 years younger than me!) who is setting out on a year of adventure!! He's at the tricky stage when he's consolidating everything to either sell/store/leave behind which I think must be mega scary. Can you imagine compartmentalising your entire life? I can barely decide if the new packet of toilet rolls should be kept in the stairs cupboard or in the bathroom itself let alone put all my shit together enough for life changes!

LaLa..... I asked to take a photo of her and this is what she asked me to work with....

My food seems to go in groupings of colour for some reason. Orange was the soup de jour. Well it was tomato really, followed by oranges.

Found this during a spring clean, it was of the kids'  favourites. 

Out for a coffee with LaLa and Sherm. 

Le Nephew (who I'm totally not jelly of....course not!!)

Still, I've got a hideous case of nephew envy. Nah, not really - he deserves to have an amazing time and let his soul soar.

So we had snow.

Le snow dawg

There. I said it. We have had snow..... I normally loves me a bit of the white stuff but this time I'm just finding it a bit tedious (anyone who really knows me will be jumping back in horror saying 'tell me it ain't so'.. right now) and it makes me walk funny cos I think I'm going to fall over, sort of like a bit of Dad dancing but really slowly..... Sigh.....







The girl child has made the massive step of getting a tattoo, her Dad (the awesome husband) is not 100% on board but I think that he worries for the future and doesn't want people to make judgements after seeing the tattoo first rather than his wonderful daughter. I can see both their points of view so I'm just trying to keep a happy medium between them both.

Girl childs' latest adventure

I spent last night writing up things to be grateful for from last week. Journalling about good things is very different.... normally the negative, angst causing, stomach churning feelings tend to get more of an airing as it helps me deal with them if I say/read/write them out loud but yesterday I missioned my way through good things! Yay me! It's not as easy as it sounds and didn't come naturally to me but I can see it becoming a regular thing to remind me that there really, truly is good out there in this big 'ol world of ours.




And last but not least.... here's wishing
Journeymama much love as she sits patiently waiting for her little bubba to make an appearance :D

Happy New Ears

So, whenever I tried to type Happy New Year on my phone it came up with 'happy new ears' which is soooo much better than the original greeting!
So folks, 2013, it's going to be a good 'un, me thinks. I will reach the grand old age of 40 and we'll see the wedding anniversary that is 20 whole years!! (or 'ears' if I type it on my phone)...

I'm hoping to become less insular this year, I reckon that the more time you spend on your own the less time you want to spend with people. I'm sitting in a bit of a bubble at the moment and need to remember that I'm loved and needed out there in the big 'ol world.
I envy people who can live in communities, do they get the same fears and anxieties of social interaction as other folks? Obviously I should have been born early enough to have enjoyed the sixties living in San Francisco - lol, it could have taught me to take life a little less seriously....

Loll, Hannah & Cieran

Zorro meets Star Wars

Was easier than firing up the fire pit plus I got to enjoy coffee outside on a frosty night :)

They are both awesome (except for the pink dude in the middle), Raj n Cam

Christmas day reflection

Nearly Christmas

What do you do when things really hurt? I miss my Dad so much. And I cry at night while I watch tv and my nose feels like I've just breathed in water from the swimming pool and it stings like it's just been drenched with chlorinated pool water.
And that makes no sense does it?

I'd like to be sat in front of a driftwood fire on a beach, with my lovely husband playing his guitar and we would be listening to the ocean crashing around us and watching the whites of the waves dancing like galloping Lipizzaner stallions in the moonlight. And I wouldn't feel the ache in my heart for my dear Dad. Or maybe I would but it wouldn't be an ache, it'd just be a collage of all the lovely memories I have of him.

Held to ransom

Now don't go thinking this is some surreal story about highwaymen or Robin Hood but it is a story about being held to ransom, by a spider of epic proportions....

Imagine the scene, the household are all tucked up in their beds (except Doodles but more of that in a minute..) even the dogs are soundly asleep and the place is quiet with a capital Q.

I'm awoken by the sound of mumbled shouting, yes I'm aware that doesn't make sense but hear me out!

Apparently Doodles has had a late night on the computer in the ever so wonderful world of warcraft, after finishing on the laptop he ambles off to the bathroom to brush le teeth. Merriment ensues.

Whilst the toothbrush is in his mouth he spots a spider on the wall, not any old spider but one of the massive house spiders that like to wander about in the autumn. He mumbles something at the top of his voice while the toothbrush is still firmly in le mouth-

"Moley mell, qwat der muckletisdatmuddertrucker?"

Well at least that's what it sounded like, this leaves me WIDE awake because
i. Somebody is mumbling at the top of their voice yo!
ii. Doodles NEVER swears.

Which means it must be something bad.

I shout out and ask him what is wrong and he yells back that it's a mahoosive spider!
Cue me firmly slapping the husband awake to go and rescue us from this intruder. By the time the husband has got there it had scuttled away so torches were brought in and crevices all over the bathroom were examined..
Nothing, zip, nada, negatory good buddy on the spider front.

So, doing what any normal family would do - we shut the bathroom door, shut all of our bedroom doors and went to the kitchen to wash our hands if we need the toilet during the night.

Yes. We. Are. Cowards.

It finally turned up a couple of days later. Me and the husband came home to find the sucka on the floor on the dining room, covered by a vase that Doodles had managed to get on top of it as it trundled past at warp speed.....

We've had two more since then, one that the little dog was caught playing with and had eaten by the time I had gotten something to get it out of the house with (URGH!)

And one that became toilet flush fodder.

Held to ransom. Totally.

Here's a picture of a rabbit and a kitty to take your mind off it....

Ups and downs, mountains and molehills, peaks and troughs.

Things are all higgledy-piggledy around here at the moment. We've had another birthday - Doodles has reached the grand ol' age of 16, my how time flies.
We had food and outings with a side order of shopping and cake to finish the day off nicely. Actually the cake came the next day as we decided we wanted to have our cake and eat it whilst watching Dr Who. What a brilliant combo, chocolate cake and a time lord.

Then came Monday, off to the hospital to get my machine...... I'm not a big fan of my machine, it's to regulate my breathing over night as I apparently have a tendency to stop breathing when I'm asleep. The machine blows air through a mask and it's decidedly unbecoming. In fact I look like Bane from the latest Batman film.
Grim, very grim.

Tuesday brought tears and sobbing. I miss my Dad so much it really hurts. I've even had Sherm record Dad's answer phone message so that I can listen to his voice whenever I want to.
I think it was a mixture of having the kids' birthdays and the machine and him just not being there. I know it'll get better and that I probably need this time to grieve but it doesn't make it any easier.

Since LaLa is now 18 she is off out a lot, we miss her but also love the fact that she's out there enjoying life and having fun. It's is a special age when the world is your oyster and life is just there for living!
Dancing, parties, friends, boyfriend, work, college. I remember that age well and truth be told, don't feel old enough to have a daughter of 18...

This is his Ninja pose apparently.

Life, it's all still a journey eh?

After.

Before.

How much do you think my Dad is a Galileo lookalike!

Handling situations with grace

Lala had a get together to celebrate her birthday. We were all very excited about it and looked forward to a nice evening around the fire pit with friends and marshmallows...

What actually happened was this...

*Very drunk teenagers

*Disrespectful teenagers

*Lala discovering her friends aren't quite what she thought they'd be

*Vomit (alcohol induced...)

*Trips to fetch more beer

*Intimidation



I think every parent/child mix goes through this at one time but boy, it's not easy. Especially when your child wants you to give some of these people a second chance.

So, how to handle a situation with grace. I guess I must approach it with an open ear and pleasant smile, also I think I should remember I had wild ways too- back when I was younger. I'm not going to hold the feelings of disappointment inside as they will just eat me up but I am going to realise that LaLa was as hurt as we were and that it wasn't her fault and not to hold it against her or keep bringing it up to cause bad feeling.

Plus, a couple of these people were actually lovely and didn't drink themselves into stupidity or be arrogant and negligent all in the same breath...

Do we, as parents, have the right to tell our kids who is being a good friend and who they should avoid? Or do we step back and realise that some things just have to be found out for themselves and that we should keep a calm demeanour and a gentle smile with arms ready to catch our kids when the unexpected happens.

Lala, Haylesowen & Superman

J-boy and McSpannah

The LaLa and Annie

Grace, my friends, grace in the bucket loads.